After the shock wore off of realizing we were pregnant again, we began to go about life. Both Brett and I tried to not get attached to this child. We kept our minds guarded and didn't allow ourselves to dream about life with a new baby in our arms. We told very few people. I covered myself in baggy clothes trying to hide my growing bump. Slowly, time passed. First 12 weeks, then 20, then finally we passed 24 weeks. We had a viable baby that had a chance at survival. On Mother's Day 2014, we decided to share our good news. We incorporated Jacob in our announcement, and looked forward to breathing a little easier. Every day we made it, it gave our sweet rainbow a better chance at life.
But it was not always easy. I spent many nights crying over the new pain that came from being pregnant again, and knowing that Jacob would not be coming back. I woke up every night, at least once in a cold sweat as images passed though my head of different ways this child would be taken from me. I limited all my exercise so I could keep this baby cooking, which just added to my stress levels. I pretended to be excited, but all i truly felt was fear. Fear of losing this baby, fear of not being able to hold him, fear of this baby making me "forget" about Jacob, fear of my pain of losing Jacob getting worse because of this baby. Every day was a struggle, but every day was one day closer to meeting our rainbow.
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